Domestic Violence Coalition of Oswego County

SERVICES

Home

Batterer Services

Child Abuse

Community Education

Crime Victims Compensation

Elder Abuse

Gay & Lesbian

Non-Residential Domestic Violence

Prevention Education

Rape Crisis

SAF House

Sexual Assault Survivors

SOMETIMES,
it's someone
you know

~ Violence among people who know each other can be physical, sexual, and/or emotional in nature. It can occur between people who have just met, people who have been together for awhile, and between people who are married. People of all ages, educational levels, and social backgrounds are victimized. Behaviors range from minor controlling acts to rape to physical assault

Gay and Lesbian Abuse

No one deserves to be hurt or treated badly. You are not alone. Domestic violence can happen in any relationship.

DOES YOUR PARTNER...

~ Hit, choke, slap, or shove you?

~ Control your personal/social contacts?

~ Criticize, ridicule, degrade, or lie to you?

~ Threaten to reveal your lesbian/gay identity to family, neighbors, employers, ex-spouses or city, state and/or federal authorities?

~ Control your financial resources, steal your money, or run up your debts?

~ Force you to have sex or do specific sex acts?

~ Destroy your property?

YOU MAY BE THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IF YOU SAID YES TO
ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS

Remember:

It's not your fault!

You are not responsible for the violent acts of another person

Be aware: That once violence is in a relationship it almost always gets worse, not better, without intervention.

TRUTHS ABOUT GAY/LESBIAN
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic Violence can happen in any relationship. In fact, it seems to occur at the same rate in same sex relationships as in heterosexual relationships.

Survivors may be entitled to an order of protection, a court order that limits the behavior of the batterer.

Law enforcement is required to treat cases of gay and lesbian domestic violence the same way as they do heterosexual domestic violence.

If you have sought services from any part of the justice system and have not been treated fairly please call SAF. Advocacy and/or confidential support will be offered.

IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM:
ACQUAINTANCE SEXUAL ASSAULT

1. Does your partner ignore your wishes?

2. Does your partner get hostile when you say 'no'?

3. Does your partner attempt to make you feel guilty or accuse you of having a problem because you don't want to have sex.

4. Does your partner act excessively jealous or possessive.

5. Does your partner invade your personal space?

6. Does your partner display anger and aggression?

7. Does your partner describe others in derogatory terms based on their gender?

8. Does your partner often want to meet in isolated areas?

When dating, it is important for you to:

* Speak up immediately if you don't like your partner's behavior

*Don't give inconsistent messages. State what you want clearly.

*Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, get away.

* Avoid situations where alcohol and drugs are present.

If abuse or assault occurs:

*Remember, it is NOT YOUR FAULT

* Get assistance. Call the Abuse & Assault Hotline at 342-1600 or someone you trust. Talking can help you get on with your life.

*Whatever you have to do to survive is right, only you can determine the best course of action.

IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM:
DATE VIOLENCE

1. Did your partner grow up in a violent family, believing that violence is normal behavior?

2. Does your partner tend to use force or violence in an attempt to solve problems?

3. Does your partner have a poor self image?

4. Does your partner have strong traditional ideas of how men and women should act?

5. Is your partner jealous of you - not only when you are around members of the opposite sex, but even when you spend time with your friends and family?

6. Are you expected to follow your partner's orders or advice?

7. Does your partner experience extreme highs and lows, seeming to be two different people?

8. Do you feel afraid when your partner is angry? Do you try to avoid making your partner happy?

9. Does your partner play with guns, knives, or other lethal instruments, sometimes talking of using them against other people?

10. Does your partner treat your roughly, or do you feel threatened by your partner?

11. Does your partner abuse drugs or alcohol?

12. Does your partner attempt any of the behaviors listed under "Acquaintance Sexual Assault"?

If the answer is yes to one or more of the above, date violence may occur in your relationship.

Consequences of being abused:

Adverse effects on other relationships, with friends, family, and peers
Difficulty with intimate relationships in the future
Questioning your ability to choose appropriate partners and to recognize potentially dangerous situations
Difficulty in trusting others
Difficulty feeling safe in ''dating'' situations, in places, and in environments that bring back memories
Taking emotional responsibility for others' actions
Confusion about appropriate behaviors within relationships
Fear of:
-being blamed for your abuse
-physical consequences; to the victim, to their partner, to others
-loss of material possessions, including financial support
-loss of mutual friends
-response from others
Having to leave school or job; losing long - term financial resources
Inability to concentrate on personal needs; education, job, well-being
Loss of personal identity
Embarrassment
Gradual loss of self-esteem
Developing unhealthy coping skills
Need for support and counseling from a knowledgeable source

FACTS about Dating and Violence

An act of partner abuse occurs once ever 15 seconds, more frequently than any other crime in the United States.
21-54% of college students reported experiencing violence in a dating relationship
Abuse tends to escalate over time and can lead to homicide or suicide.
Violence is more prevalent in long term dating relationships
Higher rates of partner aggression have been found among cohabiting couples than in students who live separately
40% of female homicide victims are killed by spouses or boyfriends
Battering accounts for 1 in 4 suicide attempts by women
Women who experience violence in dating relationships have the highest chance of being severely and chronically abused throughout their adult lives.
Young people who witnessed parental violence are at highest risk of being involved in a violent dating relationship.
47% of college rapes were committed by casual dates or romantic acquaintances
As many as 70% of men who abuse their partners also abuse their children

SAFETY PLANNING
Call 911 if you in immediate danger. If you are seeking services, including residential services, call the Abuse and Assault Hotline at 342-1600. You can call collect within Oswego County. Create a survival plan. Think about how you would get out and where you would go, if you had to leave quickly.

SERVICES AVAILABLE
Confidential services are available to all victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, male or female, to help deal with their particular situation. SAF provides: a 24 hour hotline, individual counseling, referrals to community resources, and advocacy. Crime Victims compensation filing and advocacy. Victim support Project for legal advocacy. SAF house is available as a temporary shelter for women and/or the children in their households.

Back To Top

ABUSE & ASSAULT HOTLINE
342-1600 (24 hours/7 days)

INFORMATION

ABOUT DVCOC

DVCOC
MEMBERS

Oswego City Police Dept.

Fulton City
Police Dept.

Oswego Co. Sheriffs Dept.

Oswego Co.
Family Court

Oswego Co. Probation Dept

Oswego Co. District Attorney

Phoenix Police Dept.

Pulaski Police Dept.

S.U.N.Y.
Oswego
Police Dept.

New York
State Police

Oswego Co.
Dept. of Social Services

Oswego County Opportunities Inc.

Services To
Aid Families

Arbor House

C.O.C.O.A.A.

Farnham, Inc.


SERVICES Home Batterer Services Child Abuse Community Education Crime Victims Compensation Elder Abuse Gay & Lesbian Non-Residential Domestic Violence Prevention Education Rape Crisis SAF House Sexual Assault Survivors SOMETIMES, it's someone you know ~ Violence among people who know each other can be physical, sexual, and/or emotional in nature. It can occur between people who have just met, people who have been together for awhile, and between people who are married. People of all ages, educational levels, and social backgrounds are victimized. Behaviors range from minor controlling acts to rape to physical assault	Gay and Lesbian Abuse No one deserves to be hurt or treated badly. You are not alone. Domestic violence can happen in any relationship. DOES YOUR PARTNER... ~ Hit, choke, slap, or shove you? ~ Control your personal/social contacts? ~ Criticize, ridicule, degrade, or lie to you? ~ Threaten to reveal your lesbian/gay identity to family, neighbors, employers, ex-spouses or city, state and/or federal authorities? ~ Control your financial resources, steal your money, or run up your debts? ~ Force you to have sex or do specific sex acts? ~ Destroy your property? YOU MAY BE THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IF YOU SAID YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS Remember: It's not your fault! You are not responsible for the violent acts of another person Be aware: That once violence is in a relationship it almost always gets worse, not better, without intervention. TRUTHS ABOUT GAY/LESBIAN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Domestic Violence can happen in any relationship. In fact, it seems to occur at the same rate in same sex relationships as in heterosexual relationships. Survivors may be entitled to an order of protection, a court order that limits the behavior of the batterer. Law enforcement is required to treat cases of gay and lesbian domestic violence the same way as they do heterosexual domestic violence. If you have sought services from any part of the justice system and have not been treated fairly please call SAF. Advocacy and/or confidential support will be offered. IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM: ACQUAINTANCE SEXUAL ASSAULT 1. Does your partner ignore your wishes? 2. Does your partner get hostile when you say 'no'? 3. Does your partner attempt to make you feel guilty or accuse you of having a problem because you don't want to have sex. 4. Does your partner act excessively jealous or possessive. 5. Does your partner invade your personal space? 6. Does your partner display anger and aggression? 7. Does your partner describe others in derogatory terms based on their gender? 8. Does your partner often want to meet in isolated areas? When dating, it is important for you to: * Speak up immediately if you don't like your partner's behavior Don't give inconsistent messages. State what you want clearly. Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, get away. * Avoid situations where alcohol and drugs are present. If abuse or assault occurs: Remember, it is NOT YOUR FAULT Get assistance. Call the Abuse & Assault Hotline at 342-1600 or someone you trust. Talking can help you get on with your life. Whatever you have to do to survive is right, only you can determine the best course of action. IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM: DATE VIOLENCE 1. Did your partner grow up in a violent family, believing that violence is normal behavior? 2. Does your partner tend to use force or violence in an attempt to solve problems? 3. Does your partner have a poor self image? 4. Does your partner have strong traditional ideas of how men and women should act? 5. Is your partner jealous of you - not only when you are around members of the opposite sex, but even when you spend time with your friends and family? 6. Are you expected to follow your partner's orders or advice? 7. Does your partner experience extreme highs and lows, seeming to be two different people? 8. Do you feel afraid when your partner is angry? Do you try to avoid making your partner happy? 9. Does your partner play with guns, knives, or other lethal instruments, sometimes talking of using them against other people? 10.* Does your partner treat your roughly, or do you feel threatened by your partner? 11. Does your partner abuse drugs or alcohol? 12. Does your partner attempt any of the behaviors listed under "Acquaintance Sexual Assault"? If the answer is yes to one or more of the above, date violence may occur in your relationship. Consequences of being abused: Adverse effects on other relationships, with friends, family, and peers Difficulty with intimate relationships in the future Questioning your ability to choose appropriate partners and to recognize potentially dangerous situations Difficulty in trusting others Difficulty feeling safe in ''dating'' situations, in places, and in environments that bring back memories Taking emotional responsibility for others' actions Confusion about appropriate behaviors within relationships Fear of: -being blamed for your abuse -physical consequences; to the victim, to their partner, to others -loss of material possessions, including financial support -loss of mutual friends -response from others Having to leave school or job; losing long - term financial resources Inability to concentrate on personal needs; education, job, well-being Loss of personal identity Embarrassment Gradual loss of self-esteem Developing unhealthy coping skills Need for support and counseling from a knowledgeable source FACTS about Dating and Violence An act of partner abuse occurs once ever 15 seconds, more frequently than any other crime in the United States. 21-54% of college students reported experiencing violence in a dating relationship Abuse tends to escalate over time and can lead to homicide or suicide. Violence is more prevalent in long term dating relationships Higher rates of partner aggression have been found among cohabiting couples than in students who live separately 40% of female homicide victims are killed by spouses or boyfriends Battering accounts for 1 in 4 suicide attempts by women Women who experience violence in dating relationships have the highest chance of being severely and chronically abused throughout their adult lives. Young people who witnessed parental violence are at highest risk of being involved in a violent dating relationship. 47% of college rapes were committed by casual dates or romantic acquaintances As many as 70% of men who abuse their partners also abuse their children SAFETY PLANNING Call 911 if you in immediate danger. If you are seeking services, including residential services, call the Abuse and Assault Hotline at 342-1600. You can call collect within Oswego County. Create a survival plan. Think about how you would get out and where you would go, if you had to leave quickly. SERVICES AVAILABLE Confidential services are available to all victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, male or female, to help deal with their particular situation. SAF provides: a 24 hour hotline, individual counseling, referrals to community resources, and advocacy. Crime Victims compensation filing and advocacy. Victim support Project for legal advocacy. SAF house is available as a temporary shelter for women and/or the children in their households. Back To Top ABUSE & ASSAULT HOTLINE 342-1600 (24 hours/7 days)	INFORMATION Orders of Protection Stalking ABOUT DVCOC Mission Statement History DVCOC MEMBERS Oswego City Police Dept. Fulton City Police Dept. Oswego Co. Sheriffs Dept. Oswego Co. Family Court Oswego Co. Probation Dept Oswego Co. District Attorney Phoenix Police Dept. Pulaski Police Dept. S.U.N.Y. Oswego Police Dept. New York State Police Oswego Co. Dept. of Social Services Oswego County Opportunities Inc. Services To Aid Families Arbor House C.O.C.O.A.A. Farnham, Inc.